The Products of a Bored Mind
by Saxifrage
Summary: Boredom of any kind usually gets someone into trouble, and the kids at Hogwarts are no different! A collection of short stories about the students of Hogwarts. Ch.3: Sirius and James are up to no good! What will boredom lead them to?
1. Notes of War

**The Products of a Bored Mind**

**Chapter One: Notes of War**

**by Saxifrage**

**Summery: Boredom of any kind usually gets someone in trouble, and the kids at Hogwarts are no different. A collection of short stories about the students of Hogwarts. (Might not use many HP characters; will be in different formats and about different people each time.)**

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Victim: Ms. Anna Jackson  
Year: 6th  
HP Characters Used: Professor Flitwick, Sirius Black  
Other Characters: Sonora

I lazily placed my head on my head while listening to the Charms lecture. It would have been fairly amusing to listen to Flitwick's high pitched voice as he ran around the room like a pixie on drugs if I hadn't heard it a million times before. I started to drift off into a peaceful fantasy about some cute boy I made up, when a crumbled piece of paper hit the side of my head. My head snapped up immediately, and I looked around for the culprit, irritated.

My eyes gazed into the gilded orbs of my best friend, Sonora. Damn her, always passing me bloody notes and getting me in trouble! I glanced to Flitwick, but he had luckily been running across to the other side of the room, scolding someone or another. Quickly, I opened the paper and glared down at…a blank page. 'Bitch!' I mouthed over to her, but she simply smiled and winked, used to my sour ways.

Then, out of the corner of my eyes, I noticed writing sprawling across the paper what looked suspiciously like Sonora's handwriting.

_Hey! You called me a naughty name, you bad girl you._

Once again I caught Sonora's eyes. I raised one of my eyebrows and she smirked evilly at me, before bending down and scribbling on her own piece of paper.

_It's a charm I learned from Lily,_ The note continued immediately. Oh. Lily was a girl from Gryffindor who was something of a brainiac, and a little bit of a know-it-all. I haven't even spoken to her, but apparently Sonora and her keep close tabs.

_The charm is '_appingo-pinxi_'… just tap the parchment._

Instantly, I brought my wand out and tapped it. "Appingo-pinxi!" I whispered.

Then, I wrote: **_Hey wierdo. You trying to get me caught again?_**

_Maybe. _She wrote back.

_**GAH.**_

_But, I have a reason! Really, I do! _

**_Then name it, silly. _**I sighed.

_Sirius Black is staring at you._

I paused. Who was staring at me? I raised my head and let my gaze naturally glide around the room. There. A handsome boy with shaggy black hair and piercing blue eyes was staring at me in a most obvious way. Raising an eyebrow at him, I returned to my note.

_**Is he the guy with the black hair?**_

_Yes. I can't believe you don't know who he is! He's got to be the hottest guy at school. And a playboy._

**_You forget how anti-social I am. _**I reminded her bluntly. I saw her roll her eyes as she read this.

_Whatever. I think he wants to ask you out._

_**Umm… Is that a good thing?**_

_Not sure._ She responded. _He's completely kissable and yummy, but I hear he cheats a lot._

_**That's not good.** _I answered, unsure of what to say. **_Um, but why would he wanna ask _me_ out? There are plenty of _good_-looking girls out there._**

_Oh, you're sexy and you know it._

_**Do not.**_

_Do too. You sexay thang._

_**I'm not sexy.**_

_Are too._

_**Bitch.**_

_Sexy wombat._

…_**What!**_

_You heard me._

Before I could reply to this…odd phrase, I found the parchment ripped from my hands. "Hey!" I protested, and I looked down into the eyes of runty little Flitwick, who looked very annoyed.

"Writing notes in class again, are we, Ms. Jackson?" He was angry, incredibly so. He looked like he was about to pop…Too bad he sounded so damn funny when he was angry; a snort escaped my lips before I could stop myself. "Well, since you seem to find this funny, I think that the entire class should hear what you had to say."

I gasped. "Hey! That's not fair! For all you know, I was talking about my recently deceased mother and it's a tender subject!"

"Is it?"

"Well… um, no. But it COULD have been!" Yeah, I tend to say some really random things when the spotlight hits me.

"_Acroasis!"_ He said, pointing his wand to my paper. Suddenly, I felt my voice ripped from my throat, and when I tried to speak, nothing came out. I turned to Sonora, who was grasping her throat, obviously feeling the same effects.

And then suddenly, Sonora's voice filled the room, and the class was listening attentively.

"Hey!" Her voice cried mock-offended. "You called me a naughty name, you bad girl you." There was a slight pause. Then, "It's a charm I learned from Lily; the charm is 'appingo-pinxi'… just tap the parchment."

Then, suddenly my voice, sounding halfway between annoyed and amused, entered the room. "Hey wierdo. You trying to get me caught again?"

"Maybe," Sonora's voice laughed.

"GAH!" My voice sounded.

"But, I have a reason! Really, I do!" Sonora's voice sang happily. This was it. I buried my face in my arms. I could only wait to be embarrassed now.

"Then name it, silly."

"Sirius Black is staring at you." At this, I heard angry gasps sound throughout the room from a whole bunch of girls, and glares were shot toward me. I glanced at the Sirius-kid, and I noticed that he was relishing the attention, and winked at me when I scowled at him. I turned away from him. Bloody boys.

"Is he the guy with the black hair?"

"Yes." Sonora stated, sounding amused. "I can't believe you don't know who he is! He's got to be the hottest guy at school. And a playboy." Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Sirius stand up and bow.

"You forget how anti-social I am." My voice was blunt and bored-sounding. People laughed at my statement, and I couldn't understand why.

"Whatever." Came Sonora's voice, sounding like she was trying to explain addition to a three-year-old. "I think he wants to ask you out." Boys wolf-whistled at this and started checking me out. I crossed my arms over my chest when I noticed the boy next to me staring a little too attentively at…me.

"Umm… Is that a good thing?" My voice was uncertain with a tint of, "I'm not sure I'd care either way" in it. Now Sirius was looking at me affronted, but I couldn't hear what he was saying.

"Not sure. He's completely kissable and yummy, but I hear he cheats a lot."

A round of 'oohhs' entered the classroom.

"That's not good." My voice stated. "Um, but why would he wanna ask _me_ out? There are plenty of _good_-looking girls out there." I sounded skeptical, and I hated the sound of doubt I had for myself in my voice.

"Oh, you're sexy and you know it."

There were amused agreements to this, and I growled. Damn you Sonora and your jokes! Now people are going to make fun of me forever. Pretending that I'm sexy…

"Do not."

"Do too. You sexay thang." More wolf whistles…

"I'm not sexy!" I was actually sounding a bit angry now.

"Are too." Sonora replied childishly.

"Bitch."

"Sexy wombat."

"…What!"

"You heard me."

Now everyone was laughing and pointing at me, calling me strange names and yelling out random things. Some were insulting me, telling me that I'd better wish fro boobs for Christmas, because it'd take a miracle to get them attractive (I'm guessing these were the girls); while others were telling me that if I didn't want Black, they would happily oblige to please my sexy wombat needs—that last comment was a little terrifying…especially with one or two girls joining in. I shot Sonora a petrified look. She looked amused, though. She always did handle social situations better than me.

"SILENCE!" Flitwick's tiny voice boomed, and the noise stopped.

"Ms. Jackson, You'll receive detention for all this week for writing notes in class and for saying a bad word. Warn your accomplice to not send you any more notes, because the next time I catch you, You're going to get worse than detention."

I tried to say, "Yes, Professor," but when my lips moved, nothing came out of my mouth…and right then the note started up again.

"Oh yes," Flitwick added, listening to Sonora speak. "You have to figure out how to take the charm off too."

Angrily, I grabbed my note, stuffed it in my bag (only muffling the sound of my voice faintly) and ran out of the classroom, laughter following me, and Flitwick began his lecture again.

I groaned. Detention? Damn it! And Sonora got off, and she's the one who started it! No, wait. It was actually the damn Black's fault! If he hadn't been staring at me, Sonora wouldn't have even started a note!

Oh, this was war.

**A/N: In case you couldn't tell, the first person in this story to be affected by boredom was moi. xD Yep, these stories are going to be the products of MY bored mind. Please enjoy! Don't forget to REVIEW! I'll give you loofas. xDDDDDDDDD**


	2. Puppeteer

**The Products of a Bored Mind**

**Chapter Two: Puppeteer**

**by Saxifrage**

**Summery: Boredom of any kind usually gets someone in trouble, and the kids at Hogwarts are no different! This time it's Emilie Summers, a mysgevious young girl who can't help but cause... agitation, especially when it comes to the teachers of Hogwarts.**

_Muffins to all of my reviewers! I love you guys._ 3

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Victim: Ms. Emilie Summers

Year: 1st

HP Characters Used: Professor McGonagall, Professor Dumbledore

Other Characters: Ryan

She was the first one to finish the test, so she laid her head on the table with a tired sigh. Emilie was _so_ bored. What was there to do? _No-thing._ Doodling was out of the question—the last time she had doodled on her paper, she had received detention for "encrypting codes in picture form." Even though she was no longer in Potions class, Emilie figured it was a bad idea. What else was there to do? A lot had been banned from her because of certain…disruptions during a lot of her classes, but Emilie saw it as no harm. She had a short attention span anyways; it would eventually happen if she didn't plan it out. It didn't help her any, though, that the teachers of Hogwarts hated her--what to call it?--_activities _during class.

Frowning slightly, she went over the list of what she couldn't do….No writing, no doodling, no chewing gum, no blowing gum, no flinging gum into the hair of others, no flicking pieces of paper of her desk, no reading, no—

"SUMMERS! Get your head off that desk this INSTANT! What do think this is? Nap time?" Emilie lifted her head and rested her chin in her hand, adding to her list.

No napping, no eating, no transfiguring other's noses to see what they would look like with "pug" noses, no dancing, no turning student's hair pink, no turning the _teacher's _hair pink, no asking the answers of questions even if she'd already finished the test, no flinging pies, no asking the teacher of their sexual orientation, no offering counseling to the teacher claiming to be experienced in the dilemma of sexual confusion, no—

Wait! Emilie's head shot up in anticipation as she thought of something she hadn't been told not to do. An evil smile then formed on her lips.

Quickly, she pulled out a piece of paper and drew two little people—a boy and a girl who looked oddly like Professor McGonagall and Professor Dumbledore (Emilie hoped this wouldn't be counted as doodling)—and used a quick spell to cut them out. The she levitated them into a standing position on her desk, and cleared her voice.

"Ahem…" Instantly, everyone looked toward her, and McGonagall's eyes narrowed. Emilie paid them no attention, however.

"Oh hello, sugar quill.." She said in a high-pitched voice as the McGonagall-paper-doll moved up and down slightly to show it was speaking. "I have something to tell you. It's just so dreadful!" Instantly, the puppet started sobbing fake sobs, her little paper arms coving her face in horror. McGonagall stood up, shaking with anger as she _ever so slowly_ walked toward Emilie's desk (one could assume that it was for dramatic effect). But, Emilie ignored her, too involved in her extremely enteretaining game.

"What is it, acid pop?" She made the other doll reply in a slightly lower voice.

"I'm PREGNANT!" There was a rather loud giggle heard from the audience.

"GASP! Oh no! But, cockroach cluster, we haven't even had sex!" The Dumbledore puppet exclaimed, his little puppet hands hovering over his mouth in shock. At this point, the entire class was laughing, and McGonagall could barely walk—her body kept jerking from so much anger.

"I KNOW!" The McGonagall puppet continued to sob. "I-I-I—! I'VE BEEN _CHEATING_ ON YOU!"

"GASP AGAIN! NOOO! I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!"

"I dooooooooo! Reeeeeally! It wasn't my fault! That other guy was just so damn sexy!" Now the puppet turned around and grabbed her face in exhasperationas she continued to fill the room with fake sobs.

"No, no…" The Dumbledore puppet said sadly, as he patted the other's shoulder. "It's okay, really._ I_ think I might be gay. I've been…_cruising_ with your brother."

Now it was McGonagall's…er, pupper look-a-like's turn to gasp. "WHAT? GASP! Besides from the hot guy I picked up off the street, I've been cruising with YOUR sister!" Her sadness faded easily and the puppet smiled at the other.

"YAY!" The Dumbldore puppet shrieked. "Let's be gay TOGETHER!"

"YAAAY!" They screamed.

Just then, Professor McGonagall's hand struck the desk and a loud _WHACK!_ was her throughout the class; needless to say, the laughter stopped immediately.

Emilie looked up at the teacher. McGonagall's face was bright red, and her mouth was pressed together so hard that her lips weren't visible at all. The normally stern, calm green eyes had erupted into horrific yellowish emeralds shaking with rage. The knuckles of Emilie's teacher were completely white.

"Hi!" Emilie said pleasantly, her voice laced with complete innocence. "That was a grand test you gave us. Do you want to play dolls with me?" Inside, Emilie was bursting up with laughter—but she somehow maintained it.

"Do—you—know—what—the—penalty—is—for—inte-rupt-ing—a—TEST?" McGonagall strained out, uneasily.

"Um, no?" At this, a shriek of rage erupted from the mosterous teacher. "…I'm about to find out, aren't I?" Emilie asked, slightly nervous (not really).

"DETENTION! FOR A _WEEK!_"

"Oh..." Emilie paused. "Okay."

McGonagall, realizing that Emilie wasn't going to argue or make any more of a distraction, started to clam down. That is, until she heard Emilie take another breath.

"Sooo…" She started casually. "Why am I getting detention?"

"ARRRGGHH!" McGonagall turned back around, her head whipping like Indiana Jones' very own whip, and moved closer to Emilie's face with every word, forcing Emilie to move backwards. "FOR MAKING PUPPETS OF TEACHERS AND ACTING THEIR LIVES OUT IN CLASS!" McGonagall smirked at Emilie's shocked face.

Once again, thinking she won, McGonagall turned back to the head of the room. The class looked at Emilie expectantly, as if they knew she'd respond. She didn't disappoint them.

Once McGonagall reached her destination, Emilie's hand shot in the air. "What do you want girl?" McGonagall yelled.

"Ummm…" Emilie said with all the "shyness" she could muster. "Does that mean that you ARE gay?"

The yell for blood that was next sounded was heard throughout Hogwarts, as well as the tiny shriek emitted from Emilie as she was thrown out of the classroom, her things soon following and smacking her in the head.

A few seconds later, she stood up and with a cheery wave, she called, "Bye!" To her teacher. "I'll see you in detention!"

Then, the bell rang, and all the students rushed out the door, anxious to get away from the teacher who literally looked about ready to kill. Outside, Emilie waited for her best friend, Ryan. "So," she said, throwing her arm around his neck. "I found class rather educational today, how about you?"

The young boy raised an eyebrow. "I _suppose_ you playing with puppets could be considered _slightly_ educational, if not entirely entertaining," he paused, "but you do realize that you've just been thrown out of class? Possibly forever?" He stared at his best friend, wondering what she had been thinking when she pulled her latest stunt.

"Ah, nonsense!" Emilie cried, ruffling Ryan's hair. "I think she's warming up to me."

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_A/N: What do you think of the latest installment? Good, or bad? Boring twitch, or funny? Please REVIEW! I'll give you all MUFFINS!_

_And for those of you wondering, "Why the hell aren't you updating Something to Ponder, Becoming Something New, or Tunnels! Bad author! whack whack BAD AUTHOR!" Weeeellllll... rubs sore head I'me really really reeeeeaaallllyyyyy sorry! I'll try to update before Christmas! I PROMISE! Just don't hurt me! whimpers_

_Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed it and that Emilie was an amusing character. I personally think she has a_ little _too much Marauder-attitude going for her... heheheh. Hmm... I wonder what would happen if she ever went back in time and met them? (btw this one is supposed to be in Harry's era, unlike the last one,but you can't tell...) Anyways, REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! and I'll LOVE YA TO DEATH! _

_xoxo_


	3. Because We Don't Have Chocolate

**The Products of a Bored Mind**

**Chapter Three: Because We Don't Have Chocolate**

**by Saxifrage**

**Summery: Boredom of any kind usually gets someone in trouble! A collection of short stories about the students of Hogwarts. Now it's the infamous James and Sirius, Marauders of the school. What mischief does boredom lead them into? (this chapter is mostly dialog…)**

_A/N: Thanks to all my reviewers! You get loofas as presents! And I'm sorry I won't be updating any of my other stories before the holidays, but I hope this is good enough of a gift! Hopefully you guys'll enjoy this chapter which, for a change, is written about my beloved Sirius and James :swoons: instead of a random character made up. And if you're wondering why, it's because I was bored. Why else? Anyways, Merry Christmas, Happy Hannaka, happy other religious holidays, and happy reading! Love ya::heart:_

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Victims: Mr. James Potter, and Mr. Sirius Black

Year: 7th

HP Characters Used: Mr. James Potter, Mr. Sirius Black, Slytherin Characters Mentioned

Other Characters: Professor Gillway

"You got everything, Prongs?"

"Sure do, Padfoot."

The voices echoed throughout the darkened hallway, but they paid the noise no mind as they were invisible anyways and knew Hogwarts like the back of their hands. And Sirius Black and James Potter, both being very egotistical, knew their hands very well. The partners in crime grinned at each other beneath the invisibility cloak in anticipation of their latest prank.

"Okay, check list…" Started James, pulling out a piece of parchment with a long list of items on it.

Sirius looked at his best mate with shock written on his face. "Weren't we supposed to do that before we left?"

"Do we ever?"

"Hm. Good point."

"Wands?"

"Check." Then, looking over Jame's shoulder with amusement, he added, "Are you really checking things off with checks, or are you drawing little hearts again?"

James snatched the paper out of Sirius's view. "No, I'm not." He said snappily, checking off 'wands' with a little star. "And that was Remus, if you'd like to recall."

"Uh huh…" Sirius looked at James skeptically. "So, continue."

"Cloak?"

"We're under it, moron."

"Oh, right… Potion?"

"Got it." Sirius held up a small vial with a runny liquid in it.

"Rum?"

"Check, and check." Sirius said smugly.

"Two checks?"

"One bottle for the prank, one for the walk back."

James looked pleased at this suggestion. "I love you."

"I'm flattered, really Jamesie-poo." He put a hand to his breast and fluttered his eyelashes dramatically. "But, honey bunch, does Lily know that you've switched teams?"

"She's the one who encouraged me," James joked, dead panned.

He laughed. "Good to know."

Clearing his throat, James continued. "Candy?"

The play-boy stopped abruptly. "Wait, we needed that candy?"

James smacked his head. "Sirius! How could you _eat the candy_?"

Sirius cocked his head to the side. "Oh, let me _demonstrate_. First, you unwrap. Next, you place it in the mouth, like so." He pretended here to place a candy in his mouth. "Then you cheeeww. Now I think I'll explain the process of digestion with," he paused for dramatic effect, "a _song_!"

"You're an idiot."

"Takes one to know one." Sirius replied, sticking out his tongue childishly.

"Isn't that a first year comeback?" James snickered.

"Just bringing down the intelligence level for ya, mate." Sirius patted James back in apparent comfort.

James sighed. They were already halfway there and they hadn't gotten through the list yet. "We'll have to manage without the candy, then. Super-sticky glue?"

"Err... half a check. You know," Sirius said thoughtfully, licking his lips, "people underestimate how tasty that stuff is."

James looked at his best friend in horror. "You ate that too? _Bloody hell_, did you eat every sodding thing we brought?"

"Hey!" Sirius cried, pretending to be insulted. "I didn't eat my _underwear_. See!" Sirius started pulling down his pants to prove of his underwear's existence when James jumped away, crying in disgust. Pausing thoughtfully, Sirius murmured, "No wait… I _did_ eat my underwear."

"Uugg! That's so gross, Padfoot!" James felt like he was going to pull his eyes out. No man should ever have to see what he had just seen. If those pants had gone an inch or two lower… James shuddered.

"Just kidding! Seriously! About the glue too. I'd be dead if I wasn't lying."

James was keeled over with his hands on his knees, taking deep breaths. He looked up at Sirius with a murderous look in his eyes. "Just finish checking off the damn list. I _swear_ I'm bringing Moony next time."

"Fine, fine." The dog-animagus chuckled. Every time they ventured on a prank together, at least on of them got disturbed. They continued walking.

"So, what about…" the list continued with more random artifacts, some of which had been consumed by Sirius (only the edible ones, however), others of which were waiting to be used in their up-coming prank, and ended with "Sirius Black," and "James Potter" ("Oh no! I think I forgot me!" Sirius had yelled, running down the hall while James proceeded to crack up.)

Finally, after many, rather amusing squabbles, the two Marauders reached their destination: The Slytherin dorm.

"Think it'll work?" Sirius, who was now whispering, inquired of his friend.

"With all the stuff you downed?" He replied, "No way in hell."

"So in other words….?"

"Yeah, it'll work."

"This is gonna be great." Sirius replied, flipping his elegant, black hair out of his silvery eyes.

They entered the Slytherin dorm with the stolen password, and walked up the stars of the boy's dormitory. Then, they: washed Snape's hair and dyed all his clothes pink as well as dyed strips of his hair bright purple, applied super-sticky glue to the insides of all of the boys' boxers, charmed their robes to flash "To all Muggle-borns: 'Take me as your slave! My body is yours!'", Singed off the eyebrows of Lucius Malfoy, transfigured Crabbe and Goyle so they'd look like apes (there really wasn't much difference from their normal form), with the bottle of rum they made all the males permanently drunk, and used a special charm that magically installed breasts on all of them.

Then, they moved on to the girls dormitory. They spent most of their time in their underwear drawers, charming them to fill with macaroni and cheese every time they were put on, but made sure to magically grow mustaches on all of the manly women. With any luck, the next day, none of the girls would be wearing underwear.

In the common room, they remodeled it so it was carebear themed.

After they finished their work, Sirius and James stood back and admired their work. They usually didn't do so many pranks at once, but they wanted some revenge after loosing the Quidditch match to Slytherin. "They cheated anyways." They had reasoned. So, they didn't do anything big…just a lot of random chaos. But their number one reason was: They were bored.

"Can you imagine what they'll think when they wake up?" Sirius sputtered, laughing through his words as they made their way back to their own common room.

James' only respond was hysterical laughing.

Then, a silhouette covered the two boys who were leaning against the stone wall outside the Slytherin dorm to keep themselves up from laughter. Slowly, they stopped laughing and looked up.

"Hello, Professor Gillway!" James greeted the head of Slytherin. "Nice night out, isn't it?"

"What are you two doing out of bed? And outside the Slytherin dorm rooms?"

"There was a party!" Sirius grinned happily. "All of our green buddies here invited us. You better check it out though, the guys are pretty hammered."

Gillway wasn't convinced, however. "Stay right here." Gillway said in his menacing voice. Then, he walked over to the entry-way and peered into the now colorful common room. "What did you bloody _do_?" He whispered fiercely at them.

"Redecorated." James said, feigning surprise at his teacher's hostility. "Sirius and I needed to vent a little. Better to be constructive than destroying things, right? Do you like it?"

"That excuse isn't good enough, boy!"

"Oh," Sirius paused, winking. "Well in that case, it's that time of the month for us, and chocolate just wouldn't cut it."

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_Please drop me a reviewer! Love, hate? Tell me and you'll get another loofa!_

_ -xoxo-  
__Saxifrage_


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